meta-dad

10 Things To Make You A Better Dad

I want to share with you a few nuggets of wisdom I have stumbled upon in the last few years. This list goes out to all those guys getting ready to have your first;

1. Know Your Priorities – this is a friendly reminder to myself actually, because it is all too easy for daily duties to take over your life and to lose track of what is really important. I cannot say how important it is to allot quality time with your wife, with each of your kids and most importantly for yourself.
   • Spend Time With Your Kid - chances are you work full time, that means more than half your life is dedicated to earning that paycheck. What I try to do is spend a second in the driveway, when I get home at the end of the day and jot down some notes (work related stuff) so I don’t forget and once I enter the house, I have left work behind me and I can be there for my wife and my kids.
   • Take Your Wife On A Date – Since we’ve been married we always have a date night (usually Friday night). Sometimes it’s just a trip to a store and sometimes it’s a bigger affair but it allows us to connect and that is priceless. Things get mighty busy when kids become part of the mix, date night is just an opportunity to have some quality time.
   • Keep In Touch With Friends And Family – a lot of us lose touch when baby becomes part of the mix. There is a positive impact on your family and kids, when you show them (through practice) the importance of maintaining solid friendships.
2. Lead By Example – Sometimes that means admitting you’re wrong or simply saying “sorry” and sometimes that means telling them you don’t know all the answers. You are the one that is going to imbue your children with life’s basic lessons, and set them on the path to being good moral adults (at least that’s the goal).
3. Spoil Them With Love, Not Things – there is very little for kids to gain from showering them with stuff and a tremendous amount to be gained by raising kids who feel they are loved (boys just as much as girls!) confident and assured. An interesting byproduct of all this positive attention is scientific fact; statistically they will be less likely to be obese, less likely to smoke and abuse substances in general and less inclined to criminal activity.
4. Allow Yourself To Be A Better Man And A Better Dad – If you want to raise truly exceptional kids, allow yourself to become a better person. It is that simple. Most of us parent as we were parented, not really thinking there is another way to do it, but there is. When our youngest was born, my wife and I decided to take a parenting workshop. We quickly found out that this workshop was primarily for parents with “real” kid problems. My wife and I sat there for two days with our jaws open, rubbernecking from one difficult parent situation to another. The teacher was great. She offered up some great parenting tools along with her own heartfelt stories about how well intended parents can find themselves in dire straits with their kids. The biggest thing we figured out is that we are going to go to these workshops again to remind us of some of the techniques taught in these classes.
5. Read to Them – yes it is important to read to them. It sparks their imagination. It helps them develop language. It creates an unforgettable bond between you and your child, enough said.
6. Do Not Hit Your Kid – Don’t spank them. Do not cuff them, shove them, shake them or otherwise cause them physical harm. Don’t verbally abuse them, just don’t do it. It may seem to be an effective temporary fix for a given situation but it is very damaging long term. It makes no difference whatsoever if you were spanked as a kid. Recent scientific studies show kids who are physically and/or verbally abused will be more inclined to have anger and anxiety issues, low self-esteem, eating disorders and sexual problems as adults. Learn to discipline with love. All children need guidance and limitations, not with corporal punishment, rather by setting reasonable limits and supporting positive behavior.
7. Teach Them To Be Responsible For Their Own Actions – as I see it, the goal of the parent in many ways is to prepare your kids for life, so that when they leave the nest they can go out into the world and be a positive addition to society, pursue their interests and cope with life’s curve balls. Yes, you want to teach them about what’s good and bad but also that their actions have repercussions that affect people (good, bad or otherwise). Provide guidance so when they leave the nest they are able to make their own decisions.
8. Learn To Listen And You Will Be Heard – being an active listener is a skill. We all need to be reminded of this on a daily basis. When your wife or kids are talking to you you need to quiet your mind, be patient and let them have their word. If you can do this the prize (with time) is they may do the same and that is a wonderful thing.
9. Read a Parenting Book – it is a huge myth that parenting is not a learned thing. We all stumble into it (well-intended, of course) not knowing that there teams of specialists out there and that there are some helpful tools that may make the whole experience a little easier or at least a bit more affective. Granted, you may not agree with every author out there, but the important thing is it will help you figure out what is important to you and your wife, perhaps trigger some important discussions and maybe learn a trick or two along the way.
10. When They’re Whining They Are Trying to Communicate – I always try and imagine I am an oceanographer trying to decipher the subtle differences of dolphins or whales or something. It doesn’t usually help much, it’s still annoying. The whining cuts through most like aluminum foil between the teeth, but remember, it is usually a tired and/or powerless plea to be heard. Little kids feel powerless a lot and when they’re whining they are simply trying to be heard. Listen to the message and get beyond the delivery.

Sited Links:
Natural Child | Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids
Science Daily | Spanking Kids Increases Risk of…
Medical News Today | Spanking Your Child Raises Risk of Aggression…
Medical News Today | Children Who Have An Active Father Have Fewer…
Fatherhood.Org | The Father Factor
Fatherhood Institute | Costs and Benefits of Active Fatherhood

Related Links:
BabyZone.Com | From Dude to Dad; Parenting Classes for Dad
National Fatherhood Initiative | 10 Ways to be a Better Dad