I want to share with you a few nuggets of wisdom I have stumbled upon in the last few years. This list goes out to all those guys getting ready to have your first;

1. Know Your Priorities - this is a friendly reminder to myself actually, because it is all too easy for daily duties to take over your life and to lose track of what is really important. I cannot say how important it is to allot quality time with your wife, with each of your kids and most importantly for yourself.
   • Spend Time With Your Kid - chances are you work full time, that means more than half your life is dedicated to earning that paycheck. What I try to do is spend a second in the driveway, when I get home at the end of the day and jot down some notes (work related stuff) so I don’t forget and once I enter the house, I have left work behind me and I can be there for my wife and my kids.
   • Take Your Wife On A Date - Since we’ve been married we always have a date night (usually Friday night). Sometimes it’s just a trip to a store and sometimes it’s a bigger affair but it allows us to connect and that is priceless. Things get mighty busy when kids become part of the mix, date night is just an opportunity to have some quality time.
   • Keep In Touch With Friends And Family - a lot of us lose touch when baby becomes part of the mix. There is a positive impact on your family and kids, when you show them (through practice) the importance of maintaining solid friendships.
2. Lead By Example - Sometimes that means admitting you’re wrong or simply saying “sorry” and sometimes that means telling them you don’t know all the answers. You are the one that is going to imbue your children with life’s basic lessons, and set them on the path to being good moral adults (at least that’s the goal).
3. Spoil Them With Love, Not Things - there is very little for kids to gain from showering them with stuff and a tremendous amount to be gained by raising kids who feel they are loved (boys just as much as girls!) confident and assured. An interesting byproduct of all this positive attention is scientific fact; statistically they will be less likely to be obese, less likely to smoke and abuse substances in general and less inclined to criminal activity.
4. Allow Yourself To Be A Better Man And A Better Dad - If you want to raise truly exceptional kids, allow yourself to become a better person. It is that simple. Most of us parent as we were parented, not really thinking there is another way to do it, but there is. When our youngest was born, my wife and I decided to take a parenting workshop. We quickly found out that this workshop was primarily for parents with “real” kid problems. My wife and I sat there for two days with our jaws open, rubbernecking from one difficult parent situation to another. The teacher was great. She offered up some great parenting tools along with her own heartfelt stories about how well intended parents can find themselves in dire straits with their kids. The biggest thing we figured out is that we are going to go to these workshops again to remind us of some of the techniques taught in these classes.
5. Read to Them - yes it is important to read to them. It sparks their imagination. It helps them develop language. It creates an unforgettable bond between you and your child, enough said.
6. Do Not Hit Your Kid - Don’t spank them. Do not hit them, cuff them, shove them, shake them or otherwise cause them physical harm. Don’t verbally abuse them, just don’t do it. It may seem to be an effective temporary fix for a given situation but it is very damaging long term. It makes no difference whatsoever if you were spanked as a kid. Recent scientific studies show kids who are physically and/or verbally abused will be more inclined to have anger and anxiety issues, low self-esteem, eating disorders and sexual problems as adults. Learn to discipline with love. All children need guidance and limitations, not with corporal punishment, rather by setting reasonable limits and supporting positive behavior.
7. Teach Them To Be Responsible For Their Own Actions - as I see it, the goal of the parent in many ways is to prepare your kids for life, so that when they leave the nest they can go out into the world and be a positive addition to society, pursue their interests and cope with life’s curve balls. Yes, you want to teach them about what’s good and bad but also that their actions have repercussions that affect people (good, bad or otherwise). Provide guidance so when they leave the nest they are able to make their own decisions.
8. Learn To Listen And You Will Be Heard - being an active listener is a skill. We all need to be reminded of this on a daily basis. When your wife or kids are talking to you you need to quiet your mind, be patient and let them have their word. If you can do this the prize (with time) is they may do the same and that is a wonderful thing.
9. Read a Parenting Book - it is a huge myth that parenting is not a learned thing. We all stumble into it (well-intended, of course) not knowing that there teams of specialists out there and that there are some helpful tools that may make the whole experience a little easier or at least a bit more affective. Granted, you may not agree with every author out there, but the important thing is it will help you figure out what is important to you and your wife, perhaps trigger some important discussions and maybe learn a trick or two along the way.
10. When They’re Whining They Are Trying to Communicate - I always try and imagine I am an oceanographer trying to decipher the subtle differences of dolphins or whales or something. It doesn’t usually help much, it’s still annoying. The whining cuts through most like aluminum foil between the teeth, but remember, it is usually a tired and/or powerless plea to be heard. Little kids feel powerless a lot and when they’re whining they are simply trying to be heard. Listen to the message and get beyond the delivery.

Sited Links:
Natural Child | Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids
Science Daily | Spanking Kids Increases Risk of…
Medical News Today | Spanking Your Child Raises Risk of Aggression…
Medical News Today | Children Who Have An Active Father Have Fewer…
Fatherhood.Org | The Father Factor
Fatherhood Institute | Costs and Benefits of Active Fatherhood

Related Links:
BabyZone.Com | From Dude to Dad; Parenting Classes for Dad
National Fatherhood Initiative | 10 Ways to be a Better Dad

   

The topic of fatherhood has been all over the news recently with people buzzing about Obama’s recent fatherhood speech in Chicago where he stated, “What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child. It’s the courage to raise one.” These are strong words, to say the least.

Evidently, the Ad Council in conjunction with a number of government sponsored offices and organizations are using this buzz as an opportunity to raise awareness about the importance and the positive impact of active fathering.

• An estimated 24 million children (34%) live absent their biological father.
• Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
• Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.
• Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers. [Source: Ad Council]

While I am not surprised at the statistics in the first two bullet points, I find the other two points a bit vague since it is implied that these children (without their biological fathers) don’t have an active male role-model in their life. There are enough cases where children are being fathered by an uncle, grandfather, or other family member or friend. Regardless, the point has been made that children benefit greatly from having a positive father figure in their life.

Sited Links:
Fatherhood Involvement - Cheerleader
Fatherhood Involvement - Super Soaker

Related Links:
Administration for Children and Families
Office of Family Assistance
National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse

   

It is said that an estimated 500 billion to one trillion plastic shopping bags a year are used worldwide with some other sources putting estimates much higher (250 trillion+). Regardless, that’s a whole lot of bags that end up in landfill. The average plastic bag takes over a thousand years to degrade. So if you are trying to reduce your carbon footprint and be a little responsible about your trash, what is the best solution in this case?

There is no easy answer but there are a few options out there that can ease things a little bit. My wife and I have purchased a few re-usable cloth shopping bags to cut down the number of plastic bags we use when shopping throughout the week. Having a few of these cloth bags can have a profound affect on your personal consumption of plastic shopping bags. We use it not only at the grocery store, but at Target, at the GAP, hell, my wife uses it at Sephora. Think about it. Why would you need a plastic shopping bag for something you can put in you pocket, or purse or, heaven forbid - just carry in your hand (*gasp*) to the car.

Now when we get home, we have been used to re-using the plastic bags to either clean up after our dog on her daily walks or to line the smaller trash bins throughout the house. Now we use a few pages of the newspaper on the dog’s walks and use brown paper bags to line the small trash bins.

That still leaves a problem that I have always struggled with; what about all those large trash bags you purchase? There are biodegradable ones. Check the links below. The prices for these have been slowly dropping. Perhaps materials are coming down in price; perhaps demand is growing.

SITED LINKS:
Reusable Cloth Grocery Totes
Reusable Organic Shopping Bag
BioSmart | Biodegradable Trash Bags
ReusableBags.Com

RELATED LINKS:
How Stuff Works | How Recycling Works
How Stuff Works | How Landfills Work

   

I belong to a very robust parent chat group called PeachHead. And while I don’t always have the time to follow every thread going on in there, there was a recent posting that both caught my eye and struck a chord since I have two boys constantly vying for my attention and struggling over the same toys. This is a timeless scenario, I know but it is very important to my wife and I that they build a positive relationship together.

Here is a post (with her approval, of course), word-for-word, from a mother, Emily, who seems to be navigating the same channels with a very balanced and book-smart approach.

HER POST;

I so relate with your entire post, and have taken great pains to try to foster a loving, happy relationship between my two little guys. I really liked SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY. It’s mostly about helping siblings negotiate verbally, which you can’t do when they’re very young, but it’s a must-read for many reasons.

Tips to Share:

When diapering the new baby, sing songs about the older child. Toddlers are very egocentric, and the baby’s quite happy being sung to.

All the baby’s early milestones can be attributed to the toddler “teaching” him. Like “Look, the baby sat up. You taught him to do that — he’s been watching you, and that’s how he learned! You’re such a great teacher!” I’m still doing this, and the nice consequence is that my older son really loves to teach the younger one stuff. He reiterates household rules, teaches him to play games, and so forth, and this does not seem to bother my younger one (who’s only 19 months.) When it does, we’ll re-jigger!

Praise specifically and often. “Oh, you gave the baby your toy. Look how he’s smiling — you really made him happy!” (Praise is the best teaching tool, other than modeling, imo.) Also, do the Harvey Karp “gossip” technique. Call your husband and say, “Daddy, guess what? X touched the baby so gently today, and the baby smiled at him! The baby loves him so much!” Toddlers love praise and will work to earn it.

Have a really fair rule, like “no snatching”, that both kids can understand early. This impartiality has an apparent justice to it, even to little guys. I taught my older son, at 2, to “redirect” the baby if he wanted his toy. It worked great — #1 learned to perkily interest the baby in another object, and only once the baby dropped the toy of his own accord could #1 have it. It taught my older son that even a baby’s space and dignity are important. Also, the baby learned the rule too, and could wait for a desired toy at a really early age. The older one started handing toys to the little one when he was finished with them, which I praised and made a big deal of (see above), and then the baby picked up the habit of handing over a toy when he’s done with it, so now 90% of the time the boys work really well together taking turns.

I follow Positive Parenting techniques, which are in all sorts of books (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, Parenting from the Inside Out, etc.) The idea is have clear boundaries, but not punish. So if my older son is upset I hold him, prevent him from doing harm, but I help him get to the feelings and I never shame him or give him a timeout ( I give him what’s called a “time-in.”) This relates to siblings in that I don’t demonize any negative behavior toward the baby — I don’t permit it, but I let my older son know he is always loved. This really helps dissolve tantrums and get back to a loving place.

Great advice I heard was to turn the family into a circle, rather than a triangle. So in the rare moments the boys are really fighting over me, I try to get them playing and enjoying each other - maybe doing a cuddle game, or something else they like, that doesn’t involve me. The more they can get solace and support from each other, the better. (Got that from Siblings Without Rivalry.)

Finally, let the older one regress, and don’t demand that he suddenly become a “big boy.” If he needs to be a baby, let him! They’re only little once. What’s the rush?

To prepare for #2’s arrival, I used Kodak gallery to make a book all about #1’s babyhood, so that he’d see himself in the bjorn, co-sleeper, etc, and know he was a baby once too. At the end I had a picture of me pregnant strolling down the beach with him, with the caption saying soon he will have a baby brother, who will love him, and what a blessed and happy family we are. My son ADORED this book and read it constantly.

Hope that helps! My sons are great friends, and are never lonely. It’s gone a thousand times better than I thought it would. Take heart.

I will Emily. Thanks for the wisdom.

Sited Reading:
SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Parenting From the Inside Out

   

Moms and Dads please take note of two new laws dealing with the use of wireless telephones while driving go into effect July 1, 2008 in the state of California. The two laws were the result of SB 1613 and SB 33, authored by Assemblyman Joe Simitian and signed into law by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger in September 2006.

Below is a list of Frequently Asked Questions concerning these new laws.

Q: When do the new wireless telephone laws take effect?
A: The new laws take effect July 1, 2008.

Q: What is the difference between the two laws?
A: The first prohibits all drivers from using a hand held wireless telephone while operating a motor vehicle, (Vehicle Code (VC) §23123). Motorists 18 and over may use a “hands-free device.” Drivers under the age of 18 may NOT use a wireless telephone or hands-free device while operating a motor vehicle (VC §23124).

Q: What if I need to use my telephone during an emergency, and I do not have a “hands-free” device?
A: The law allows a driver to use a wireless telephone to make emergency calls to a law enforcement agency, a medical provider, the fire department, or other emergency services agency.

Q: What are the fines(s) if I’m convicted?
A: The base fine for the FIRST offense is (more…)

   

I work in the tech industry and yes, I spend an incredible amount of time tapping away at a keyboard to make my keep. I guess I would say I know a fair amount about computers, but one of the things I know for sure is that there is a great deal I don’t know about computers and that’s half the battle. This is obvious when I update my home router or venture off and try to set up a network with my home computers.

That my friend, is why companies have IT departments so an entire workforce doesn’t grind to a halt every time they have to reconfigure their network settings or need some type of general computer repair or update.

The long and short of it is at a certain point of greatly diminishing returns you either do one of two things; you either give in to your ego and decide to dig your heels in, make that pot of coffee and figure why your system has gone awry or you open your wallet and call some reliable company for some tech support. I have now reached a point in my life where I opt for the latter of the two. Call me lazy, call me sleep deprived but letting a technician from FastTek (or the likes of) come in and tweak my system is well worth it.

   

Weekdays aside, my choice of clothes on the weekends tends to be biased on the side of “function” rather than “form.” In short, my pants need to have a lot of pockets; either that or I need to make my tool belt into a viable fashion accessory.

Case in point, by the end of the day I can usually find the following things stuffed in my pockets; phone, wallet, her phone, her wallet, keys, her keys, pacifier(s), finished lollipop sticks, many dirty tissues, a dog toy, random pieces of hardware (screws, zip ties, bolts, etc.), that button battery I picked up off the floor before Junior consumed it, etc.

Second only to the local Army/Navy Store, I have found there are some pretty cool 511 Shorts and Shirts at LAPoliceGear.Com. Sure they look like regular cargo shorts, but they have a couple secret compartments that would please the Maxwell Smart in you.

   

A modern keepsake, the sonogram frame showcases those very first months of your child’s life. Available in white or mahogany stained wood, this picture frame is a fresh and different way to celebrate new life. Each frame comes with 10 phrases in white, pink and blue that you can choose from and place under your baby’s photo.

Phrases Include:

• “love at first sight”
• “bun in the oven”
• “my ultrasound”
• “it’s a girl”
• “it’s a boy”
• “sneak peak”
• “coming soon”
• “my sonogram”
• “my baby”
• “two peas in a pod” (for twins)

(Via UncommonGoods.Com)